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New Year's Resolutions
Airdate: Wednesday - January 1, 1975

WOR Show
Original Airing

Show Description
Mind, memory works in a nonlinear fashion. Gives example of friend who accidentally dated a check for many years previous, a year marked by trauma. He feels like the year 1975 is science fiction-like. He makes new resolutions, he's going to go straight: 1) He will stop making snide remarks. Could at least become Mike Douglas by 1976. 2) He will practice liking Victor Borge. Will watch old movie clips. 3) He will practice laughing at Phyllis Diller. That will be tough. 4) He will practice laughing at Don Rickles. Very hard. In his new image, he could do a panel talk show. 5) He will learn to love Zsa Zsa Gabor. 6) He will systematically erase his long term memory. This will keep him out of trouble when people contradict themselves. Best memory would be very long term memory so that you can talk about stuff that doesn't matter anymore. Wants a button activated memory eraser. 7) He will work very hard on his intolerance and hate. Development of these attributes will help him to be a top editorial writer for New York magazine. No point in being a nebbish or a true, loving human being. Never pays off. 8) He will learn to respect critics because critics are becoming more important than what they criticize. 9) He is going to work on pragmatism so that he can get away with rotten things like John Dean. Should be a full blown pragmatist 10) He will start giving time continually on his show. 11) He will do interviews on his show. 12) He will install 25 phones and produce each call that comes in. 13) He will play popular records. 14) He will control his voice so that he sounds sincere during the commercials. He will deliver commercials with ringing note of total sincerity based on honest and proper humility. 15) He will say good things about radio in spite of all evidence to the contrary. 16) He will work on proper gratitude. 17) He will practice pretending to like cats. 18) He will learn to walk respectfully, not aggressively or "macho". 19) He will learn to respect his "betters". 20) He will to "tug at the forelock". 21) He will get rid of the Jew's harp and kazoo, no longer sing ridiculous songs. But sings "The Bear Missed The Train" one last time. Then he tosses out the instruments. 22) He will not ever mention sports. Just Bobby Fisher and chess. 23) He will steer away from mentioning any cultural differences between Midwest and east. 24) He will pretend that he enjoys Broadway musicals. Closes with more than one snide remark.
Dell Books
Dell Books
General Tire
The Bear Missed the Train
Engineer and others in Booth
By: Dave Post
Date: -
Rating: Not Rated
Airdate History ' - Original' date is earliest known broadcast)
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