Civil War Centennial Pitch - Telling the Truth
Wednesday - February 22, 1961
WOR Show Original Airing
First Line After Theme Ends
You're lying there flat out in the sack see. . .(Opening Theme cut)
Dream Sequences - Getting up at 3 or 4 in the morning and dragging yourself to the bathroom for a drink of water. Easing back into the sack, there is a rustling sound out on the street. Looking out, there is a long dark mass of people moving to the end of the block, climbing down a manhole. They're wearing bathing suits and bathing caps, carrying weekend travel cases. 15 minutes later you're in your bathing suit and following them down the manhole. You are awakened by the phone. The editor of Life wants to do an 8 page picture story on you. You hang up, the phone rings again, the New York Times wants to do a Sunday supplement, the phone rings again, Charles Collinwood, a three part program. Finally the phone rings with a call from Jack (Kennedy) at the White House. Off the phone again and there's this gigantic watermelon - at long last you've tapped it.
What everybody secretly wants - a monopoly. What every businessman really wants is to see - another businessman up against the wall. Games show what we secretly want.
A small booklet in his mind - "Keep Your Knees Loose", the education of a 20th century man.
All the talk about George Washington on the air today. National nothing but the truth day.
From out of the wastebasket, a tip sheet on how to make the radio station really sell. Use the upcoming Civil War Centennial as a theme. Dress up the salesmen and personalities. Offer Confederate money as premiums.
Getting into a cab a three in the morning on the streets of Manhatten. The cab driver is a "real chick". She's been a cabbie for seven months since taking some time off from being a stripper in Miami.
Playing the infield and all the balls are flys. Playing the outfield and there's nothing but groounders.
Finally, a letter from a 16 year old fan which Shep reads, concludes: "Shepherd, I'm digging your night show. You sound like a fish that's been flopping around on a pier in the sun and some kind-hearted old Schrafts lady just threw you back in the sea." (See note 1)
1) Shep had just started doing a night show again (Feb 13) after being on Saturday and Sunday afternoons only since Sept. 11, 1960.
2) Best guess by the "Jean Shepherd Audio Archeologists" is that this show was done on Wednesday February 22, 1961 due to references to George Washington and the upcoming Civil War Centennial Celebration beginning April 12th.